I think I starting telling people I was homeschooling when my oldest was 3. I feel like I was a different person that long ago and I don’t even remember what we did for school exactly, but it was a start.

Whenever I share with others that I homeschool I’ve had countless people respond by saying, “Oh, I could never do that!” Sometimes people assume that since I am homeschooling that it is going really well and I have hidden talents that they do not possess.

I am sorry to say that is terribly far from the truth.

To be brutally honest, homeschooling has always been really hard for me.

I always thought that since my mom managed to homeschool my brother and I that would be easy and fun for me to do the same with my children.

Ha.

For the first few years it was so difficult and stressful I don’t know if I accomplished anything at all. When she was little, my daughter strongly protested at any mention of “doing school” and her little brother quickly followed her lead.

And besides not having a clue how to get my children excited about learning I was super overwhelmed by all the curriculum that was available. And why do they all claim that they’re the best? And what the heck was Charlotte Mason, Unschooling, Classical, Montessori and all the rest?

Naturally I chose the fanciest curriculum with the biggest box of books and a teacher’s guide that was 3in thick (for a kindergartener).

And I failed miserably. I never even got close to covering half of the subjects I was supposed to in one day.

Then I tried another renowned curriculum and failed again. I couldn’t even figure out how to teach the simple word blends to my kindergartener.

I really wish I could go back in time and tell myself then what I know now. That school isn’t really about picking the right curriculum (especially at their little age) or trying to make it look like a day at a public school. I wish I could tell myself to stop fretting, stop worrying, and just keep reading aloud to those precious little ones. To cherish this time with them before you really do have to start learning about multiplication and pronouns. But God’s grace covers everything, even my miserable falters along the way.

Things didn’t get better until I finally found my “village” and received a little encouragement from others who were trying to do the same things I was. I started reading for myself again (something I had denied myself since having kids and didn’t think I had time for it), and learning what homeschooling really was all about. I searched the internet for fellow homeschoolers and found several blogs that encouraged me in the day to day.

One of the most instrumental things I did was finding out my personality type.

I took the free test from 16 Personalities and discovered I am an INFJ (which is apparently one of the rarest types. No wonder I always feel like the crazy one!) I can’t express how much relief I felt from finally knowing that I’m not crazy and there’s a reason behind how my mind works.

Another huge step in figuring out how to make homeschool work for me was finding out that I am a Highly Sensitive Person as well. I read this post on Simple Homeschool  from a fellow homeschooling HSP and I finally felt understood!

Take these two things and put me in a house with 4 busy children all day every day and it might sound like I’m losing the battle already! Most of the time it wasn’t even the children that bothered me, it was the overwhelming clutter of it all.

As I was digging deeper in to what my personality type meant, I learned that an INFJ desperately needs order and routine in order to function well (yes, I already knew that). But I was shocked (and also a little relieved?) to find out that we are also the most unable to establish such routine.

This. This is why I am terrible at planning and establishing routine. I’m not crazy. *insert huge sigh of relief*

But, um, help???

My job as a homeschooling mom is to do just that! To establish some sort of calm and order for our days so we can get through the homework we need to and not lose our minds. But I seemed to be unable to do such a thing.

Needless to say, our early school days were often ending in crying, and it wasn’t just the children.

A few years ago I was ready to give up. In fact I called the private school I was going to send them to. The phone rang and rang and no one answered, in the middle of a business day. So I went to their website and my stomach started churning. I took this great absence of peace as a voice from God saying, “Don’t give up yet.”

Then about a year ago, I was sobbing at the end of a really bad day and I was angrily talking to God about it. “Why?!? Why after all I’ve read and all I know, why can’t I get this school thing to work??”

And there in the midst of my anger and tears, Father God interrupted me and spoke to my heart.

“I have made homeschool hard for you so that when others are struggling you will understand and be there to help them keep going.” 

Things didn’t magically get better, but God gave me a glimpse of His master plan and with new eyes I was able to see a little more clearly how to fashion our homeschool in a way that worked for our family.

And I understood that my homeschool might be very different from others, but that was finally ok.

So that’s why I’m here. I don’t have any answers for you, and I can’t plan to save my life. But if you’re struggling and ready to give up, my dear friend, I have been there. And with the Lord’s help we can walk this journey together.

Like I said, it hasn’t been easy, but in trusting in God’s plan and learning more about myself as a person I was given tools to make life work for us.

I finally felt the freedom to say no to a lot of other activities. I have a lot of other homeschooling  friends who have activity days that run from morning until evening, but that would be suicide for me.

I finally felt freedom to sift through the curriculum and find the things that were good and beautiful and worked both with my teaching style and my children’s learning styles. Believe me, this is still a work in progress, but as I prayerfully approach each child and their own personality and learning needs I am slowly obtaining a clearer vision on what works best for us. Reading Sarah Mackenzie’s book, Teaching from Rest was incredibly instrumental in this process as well.

Most importantly, I am finding the freedom to be the person God created me to be. I used to wallow in self-doubt and discouragement because I just couldn’t do all the things others do, but the Lord is giving me confidence to do things well in my own unique way.

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me,

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-9